I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
