So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's official drugs can't kill me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
