can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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