ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
