cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
