so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
