I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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