She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
