he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
