Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
