The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
