I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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