She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
