Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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