Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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