My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
