I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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