i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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