Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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