11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
