Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
