I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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