i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
