im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
