sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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