i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
