I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
