Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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