My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
