so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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