My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
