hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
