rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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