I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
