Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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