OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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