He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
