Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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