And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
