hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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