NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
