It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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