Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
