I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
