shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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