Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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