im holly from the hills drunk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
