I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
