Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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