my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's blow job season.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
