we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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