Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
