So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
