My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
