I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
