this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
