you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
