Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
