when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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