I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
