took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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