I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
