My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
