You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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