you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize