it wasn't lemon gatorade
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
