(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
